For those of you who decide that you're not going to follow this advice and take her word on the birth control thing then heed this warning:
Its a trap!
The fact is a woman will lie to you about birth control if she wants to get pregnant. And for chicks, getting pregnant with your kid is like hitting the lottery.
Your safest bet is to get the surgery. Otherwise, stock up.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Thursday, June 26, 2008
2. Never Spend More Than $40 on a Date
I wish I could say that I came up with this one. However someone older and wiser than I beat me to it. Nonetheless there is no reason why this shouldn't be a commandment.
A date is ultimately a competition. Well more like a negotiation. And when negotiating you attempt to get as much as you can while conceding as little as possible.
In this case, us men are trying to get tail while spending as little as possible. Meanwhile the ladies are trying to get as much stuff paid for as they can without giving it up. In this situation the ladies have the advantage, they don't have to put out in order to get you to spend on them. In fact, they will want to hold out longer if they think that you are a big fat cash cow. By only spending $40 on a date (every time) you'll put yourself ahead of the game.
"But Notregis, If the tickets cost $40 and there's a service charge can't I just bend the rules? After all its just a couple of bucks."
Stop right there dumbass.
It's not the $40 per person rule, its the $40 dollar rule. If the tickets cost $40 then you're only buying one ticket.
"But Notregis, how am I supposed to go out and spend only $40? Don't you know that dinner is expensive?"
You sound like the people in my office. Are you sure I don't work with you?
If dinner and drinks will put you over $40, which if you live on the coasts it will, then ask her when she eats dinner and just take her out for drinks. Its been over 5 years since I've bought a date a meal.
Don't worry though, if you can't get out of going out to dinner there's still a way to save: Play on her insecurities. Before your date swing through the drive-thru and get yourself a good meal. Eat this and then go on your date. At the restaurant order only the side salad. Most ladies are too insecure to order more than a man, so when you order that tiny salad, a quality gal will order a smaller, cheaper item as well. And if she doesn't you follow the 6th commandment and DTB.
The point is this if you follow the $40 rule and the 3 strikes rule, you'll never spend more than $120 on a girl to get some tail. And that's sound investment advice.
A date is ultimately a competition. Well more like a negotiation. And when negotiating you attempt to get as much as you can while conceding as little as possible.
In this case, us men are trying to get tail while spending as little as possible. Meanwhile the ladies are trying to get as much stuff paid for as they can without giving it up. In this situation the ladies have the advantage, they don't have to put out in order to get you to spend on them. In fact, they will want to hold out longer if they think that you are a big fat cash cow. By only spending $40 on a date (every time) you'll put yourself ahead of the game.
"But Notregis, If the tickets cost $40 and there's a service charge can't I just bend the rules? After all its just a couple of bucks."
Stop right there dumbass.
It's not the $40 per person rule, its the $40 dollar rule. If the tickets cost $40 then you're only buying one ticket.
"But Notregis, how am I supposed to go out and spend only $40? Don't you know that dinner is expensive?"
You sound like the people in my office. Are you sure I don't work with you?
If dinner and drinks will put you over $40, which if you live on the coasts it will, then ask her when she eats dinner and just take her out for drinks. Its been over 5 years since I've bought a date a meal.
Don't worry though, if you can't get out of going out to dinner there's still a way to save: Play on her insecurities. Before your date swing through the drive-thru and get yourself a good meal. Eat this and then go on your date. At the restaurant order only the side salad. Most ladies are too insecure to order more than a man, so when you order that tiny salad, a quality gal will order a smaller, cheaper item as well. And if she doesn't you follow the 6th commandment and DTB.
The point is this if you follow the $40 rule and the 3 strikes rule, you'll never spend more than $120 on a girl to get some tail. And that's sound investment advice.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Finally an Update, I know
When I talked about lite posting I bet you never would have suspected the activity level in May.
But Notregis is back and in addition to continuing on the 10 commandments I am working on something special for you all.
Once 10 commandments is finished I will provide you with a narrative of the rules in practice. I am currently going through the 3 strikes on a chick I have absolutely no interest in.
She's my batting practice.
A way to sharpen my skills as well as to test new material without repercussion.
But Notregis is back and in addition to continuing on the 10 commandments I am working on something special for you all.
Once 10 commandments is finished I will provide you with a narrative of the rules in practice. I am currently going through the 3 strikes on a chick I have absolutely no interest in.
She's my batting practice.
A way to sharpen my skills as well as to test new material without repercussion.
3 Strikes, She's Out
This one could be a commandment, in fact it is just as important as a commandment. The only reason its not part of the Ten Commandments is it doesn't need much explaining.
The 3 strikes rule (another brilliant idea created before my time) is quite simple, 3 strikes she's out.
A girl has 3 dates to put out. If she doesn't put out by the third date, she's out. No more dates.
Its just that simple.
The 3 strikes rule (another brilliant idea created before my time) is quite simple, 3 strikes she's out.
A girl has 3 dates to put out. If she doesn't put out by the third date, she's out. No more dates.
Its just that simple.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Food for thought
Posting has been kinda light as I have been doing a lot of other time intensive projects. The Ten Commandments will be back soon. In the meantime, consider this food for thought:
The only thing a man can't do without getting married is get divorced.
Talk amongst yourselves
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
1. Never take a girl back to your place
This is probably the commandment that is easiest to break. After all, why wouldn't you want to bring a girl back to what The Ladies Man would refer to as your own "Personal Skanktuary"?
One thing we all look at when choosing a new pad is how well it will entertain. With my current place I made certain that there was a bar counter between the kitchen and living area for easy drink service, and nice mood lighting throughout. This was all instinctual.
I have nice stuff.
Picture if you will this scenario: After picking up a chick at a bar I bring her back to my place. After she takes care of business I turn to her and say, "that was cool now get the hell out."
Chances are on her way out some of my stuff will end up less nice.
Now if I had taken her somewhere else my stuff stays nice.
Then there is the scenario described in the Beastie Boys song She's Crafty. (Self explanatory)
Now if you've been seeing a gal regularly, and finally decide to kick her to the curb you'll appreciate following this commandment. First of all there's none of her crap at your place to get rid of, and thus no nagging about her getting her stuff back. Second, if you were dropping her ass because she's crazy you wont have the psycho chick pounding on your door or making a scene on your front lawn. Finally, if you plan on dumping her like I suggest, she won't know where you house is to burn it down in revenge.
It is vitally important to follow this commandment if you don't follow the 5th Commandment: Never give a girl your number. Imagine that you've broken this commandment and you brought a girl back to your place. You're on the couch rounding the bases when your phone rings. Not to be one deterred by that, you continue on letting the answering machine earn its keep. After the beep you hear a girls voice saying "Hey Notregis, tonight was incredible, call me when you get back from delivering that baby." Yes that's right, your first date of the night has just called during your second date of the night. I have not met many girls who will admit that they enjoy this, in fact this is usually game over. (occasionally you'll come across a chick who will be angry that you didn't ask her to join in, when this happens promise to arrange a 3 way and start angling for the make-up sex) So unless the girls you date are freaks, if you have to break a commandment, never break 1 and 5 simultaneously.
One thing we all look at when choosing a new pad is how well it will entertain. With my current place I made certain that there was a bar counter between the kitchen and living area for easy drink service, and nice mood lighting throughout. This was all instinctual.
So why would I not want to bring a chick back to my place? For me the biggest reason is simple:
I have nice stuff.
Picture if you will this scenario: After picking up a chick at a bar I bring her back to my place. After she takes care of business I turn to her and say, "that was cool now get the hell out."
Chances are on her way out some of my stuff will end up less nice.
Now if I had taken her somewhere else my stuff stays nice.
Then there is the scenario described in the Beastie Boys song She's Crafty. (Self explanatory)
Now if you've been seeing a gal regularly, and finally decide to kick her to the curb you'll appreciate following this commandment. First of all there's none of her crap at your place to get rid of, and thus no nagging about her getting her stuff back. Second, if you were dropping her ass because she's crazy you wont have the psycho chick pounding on your door or making a scene on your front lawn. Finally, if you plan on dumping her like I suggest, she won't know where you house is to burn it down in revenge.
It is vitally important to follow this commandment if you don't follow the 5th Commandment: Never give a girl your number. Imagine that you've broken this commandment and you brought a girl back to your place. You're on the couch rounding the bases when your phone rings. Not to be one deterred by that, you continue on letting the answering machine earn its keep. After the beep you hear a girls voice saying "Hey Notregis, tonight was incredible, call me when you get back from delivering that baby." Yes that's right, your first date of the night has just called during your second date of the night. I have not met many girls who will admit that they enjoy this, in fact this is usually game over. (occasionally you'll come across a chick who will be angry that you didn't ask her to join in, when this happens promise to arrange a 3 way and start angling for the make-up sex) So unless the girls you date are freaks, if you have to break a commandment, never break 1 and 5 simultaneously.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Kicking her to the curb
We've all had to do it. Telling a girl that she's not doing it for you anymore. There are so many ways that it can happen, and sometimes it can be a disaster.
However, if you have the forethought to realize that you're going to have to kick her to the curb and you don't think she sees it coming then I invite you to use my favorite method.
You will need to do some advanced planning, but the first step is to convince her to make dinner for the two of you. The fancier the dinner the better. (For you really sick bastards out there, get her to cook a meal that will take her all day to prepare.)
If you need to, make up some sort of lame excuse for the special meal. In either case you want this to be a high class affair. You should both dress like you are going out to the nicest restaruant in town. (If you wear a suit you should either wear one you don't care about anymore, or make sure you'll be having white wine with your meal.)
When the day arrives show up for dinner and play along as if everything is fine. Eat and then when you are finished, but before she gets up to clear the dishes tell her this:
"I think this meal in a lot of ways symbolizes our relationship. It looks wonderful on the table, but ultimately it was nauseating and totally unfulfilling. Don't call me"
Then you walk out the door.
You should probably expect her wine glass to be headed your way at some point between when you finish the statement and drive away, but thats just part of the adventure.
Also you should practice the line so you can deliver it with a straight face.
However, if you have the forethought to realize that you're going to have to kick her to the curb and you don't think she sees it coming then I invite you to use my favorite method.
You will need to do some advanced planning, but the first step is to convince her to make dinner for the two of you. The fancier the dinner the better. (For you really sick bastards out there, get her to cook a meal that will take her all day to prepare.)
If you need to, make up some sort of lame excuse for the special meal. In either case you want this to be a high class affair. You should both dress like you are going out to the nicest restaruant in town. (If you wear a suit you should either wear one you don't care about anymore, or make sure you'll be having white wine with your meal.)
When the day arrives show up for dinner and play along as if everything is fine. Eat and then when you are finished, but before she gets up to clear the dishes tell her this:
"I think this meal in a lot of ways symbolizes our relationship. It looks wonderful on the table, but ultimately it was nauseating and totally unfulfilling. Don't call me"
Then you walk out the door.
You should probably expect her wine glass to be headed your way at some point between when you finish the statement and drive away, but thats just part of the adventure.
Also you should practice the line so you can deliver it with a straight face.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Gratuitous Commercialism
If you need to add some flavor to your own escapades then I suggest you check out the selection here. (NSFW)
Not only do they have great deals, but they'll make me happy if you make them happy by buying stuff to make you happy. Got it?
Not only do they have great deals, but they'll make me happy if you make them happy by buying stuff to make you happy. Got it?
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The Ten Commandments
In the near future I will be discussing The Ten Commandments. Not because I think Charleton Heston is cool (you damn, dirty apes), but because they are important rules to live by.
The Ten Commandments
The Ten Commandments
- NEVER take a girl back to your place.
- NEVER spend more than $40 on a date.
- NEVER go out on a date during the daylight.
- NEVER take a girl out on a Friday or Saturday.
- NEVER give a girl your number.
- NEVER be unwilling to leave a girl when she acts up on a date.
- NEVER believe a girl when she says she's on birth control.
- NEVER let a girl know how much you actually make.
- NEVER keep a girl who wants to be your friend.
- NEVER fish off the company pier if you like your job.
Each one of these commandments will be given its own post in the coming weeks. I've posted them in the order I will discuss them, and not in the order of importance, they are all important.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Fool's Gold Part 2
What I expected when I started this was to get a gold digger to respond to my posting and feign interest in me to get to my concert tickets. I expected email responses telling me how I'm totally their type and that their ideal man would also enjoy this band. I thought that they might at least go as far as to jump through the little hoop of going out once before the show (and I figured they would expect I would be paying on that night too) to get to know them. And I thought that the possibility existed that one of them would be foolish enough to give it up to get the tickets.
From this I was going to provide you, the readers, with detailed descriptions of the gold diggers, pictures if possible and a retelling of the interactions with the most skilled of the bunch.
At the end I was going to present you with the one I crowned "Top Golddigger" .
Well apparently the modern gold digger is lazy.
The typical response from these ladies looked something like this:
** have u found anyone yet i love the foo fightes and i live in ***** **** let me know i want to see them but they only have bad seats left**
That was copied directly from a response I received, the only edit was to omit the respondents location.
Not only did they not even try and disguise their want to use me for my tickets, but they didn't even bother to use punctuation. At that point I knew that even if I did get one of them to meet me I would want to put a dagger in my eye within 10 minutes.
So instead of you getting a breakdown of the Internet gold diggers and me possibly getting some gold digger sex, you get a single post about said subject and I get to cry for humanity.
From this I was going to provide you, the readers, with detailed descriptions of the gold diggers, pictures if possible and a retelling of the interactions with the most skilled of the bunch.
At the end I was going to present you with the one I crowned "Top Golddigger" .
Well apparently the modern gold digger is lazy.
The typical response from these ladies looked something like this:
** have u found anyone yet i love the foo fightes and i live in ***** **** let me know i want to see them but they only have bad seats left**
That was copied directly from a response I received, the only edit was to omit the respondents location.
Not only did they not even try and disguise their want to use me for my tickets, but they didn't even bother to use punctuation. At that point I knew that even if I did get one of them to meet me I would want to put a dagger in my eye within 10 minutes.
So instead of you getting a breakdown of the Internet gold diggers and me possibly getting some gold digger sex, you get a single post about said subject and I get to cry for humanity.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Fool's Gold
I was trolling through the local online classifieds this past weekend looking to see what rents are going for in my area. As I started looking through the rest of the classifieds I came across the personal section.
As I looked through the list of Big girls and girls who "just want to be friends" (I have plenty of friends) I noticed quite a few obvious gold diggers. Girls who only want a military man, and obviously for the military pension and benefits.
And this is not an assumption. When a girl says "I don't care what you look like as long as you're a military man" well SHE'S DOING IT FOR THE MONEY!!!
This gave me the idea to see just what kind of gold diggers are out there, by posting some fool's gold...
I posted an ad in the singles section stating that I had two tickets to a sold out show and was looking for a girl who liked the band as much as I do. Note, I never said I was looking for a girl to take. I also imposed an additional time constraint of wanting to get to know them prior to the show.
This meeting will provide me the opportunity to see the girls skills in action; and who knows, maybe I'll take them back to their place. I'll post the results next week after the concert, which I will be attending with my homies.
As I looked through the list of Big girls and girls who "just want to be friends" (I have plenty of friends) I noticed quite a few obvious gold diggers. Girls who only want a military man, and obviously for the military pension and benefits.
And this is not an assumption. When a girl says "I don't care what you look like as long as you're a military man" well SHE'S DOING IT FOR THE MONEY!!!
This gave me the idea to see just what kind of gold diggers are out there, by posting some fool's gold...
I posted an ad in the singles section stating that I had two tickets to a sold out show and was looking for a girl who liked the band as much as I do. Note, I never said I was looking for a girl to take. I also imposed an additional time constraint of wanting to get to know them prior to the show.
This meeting will provide me the opportunity to see the girls skills in action; and who knows, maybe I'll take them back to their place. I'll post the results next week after the concert, which I will be attending with my homies.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Relationship Season
Last Friday(Feb 15) marked the beginning of "Relationship Season". Now you're thinking one of two things:
"Relationships are for suckers" (The man does have a valid point)
"Whats 'Relationship Season'?" (I expected as much)
Relationship Season is the only time of year that you suckers who must have relationships should have active relationships. The season begins on February 15 and runs through October 30. Anytime during this period it is tolerable to have an active relationship.
You're probably thinking, "What makes this time of year so special? Do women nag less during this time?" (That's hilarious)
This is the time of year that does not have a relationship holiday. What I mean by that is you aren't expected to take your girl to the river on memorial day. (Why bring sand to the beach?) Same is true for Independence Day and Labor Day. None of these holidays bring with them the expectation of doing something with your special gal. Thus if you must have a relationship this is the best time to have one.
Now there are obviously some of you who have questions about the off season, which is actually the time of year where its game on. Now some of you are thinking that the October 30 cutoff seems early, since Veteran's Day is not a relationship holiday. There are three great reasons for the season ending when it does:
1. If you plan on resuming the relationship when the season starts up again, she's more likely to figure it out if you keep dumping her the week before Thanksgiving. (even though she's dumb enough to take you back in February.)
2. Girls let out their inner skank on Halloween like no other. Well maybe New Year's Eve, but you'd take Christmas twice a year if you could right? You guys who care enough to have a relationship will want to be single when the girls start acting skanky, especially if you go for the kind who dig the "my girlfriend left me yesterday" type.
3. If you do not plan on breaking off the relationship when the season ends you certainly don't want to start one so close to Thanksgiving and Christmas. You're only dooming yourself to the inevitable akwardness of to invite to dinner and what to buy them. And you're the biggest sucker on earth. (yes, you're all tied for biggest)
So for you relationship types, enjoy your season opener, the rest of us will keep on pimpin.
"Relationships are for suckers" (The man does have a valid point)
"Whats 'Relationship Season'?" (I expected as much)
Relationship Season is the only time of year that you suckers who must have relationships should have active relationships. The season begins on February 15 and runs through October 30. Anytime during this period it is tolerable to have an active relationship.
You're probably thinking, "What makes this time of year so special? Do women nag less during this time?" (That's hilarious)
This is the time of year that does not have a relationship holiday. What I mean by that is you aren't expected to take your girl to the river on memorial day. (Why bring sand to the beach?) Same is true for Independence Day and Labor Day. None of these holidays bring with them the expectation of doing something with your special gal. Thus if you must have a relationship this is the best time to have one.
Now there are obviously some of you who have questions about the off season, which is actually the time of year where its game on. Now some of you are thinking that the October 30 cutoff seems early, since Veteran's Day is not a relationship holiday. There are three great reasons for the season ending when it does:
1. If you plan on resuming the relationship when the season starts up again, she's more likely to figure it out if you keep dumping her the week before Thanksgiving. (even though she's dumb enough to take you back in February.)
2. Girls let out their inner skank on Halloween like no other. Well maybe New Year's Eve, but you'd take Christmas twice a year if you could right? You guys who care enough to have a relationship will want to be single when the girls start acting skanky, especially if you go for the kind who dig the "my girlfriend left me yesterday" type.
3. If you do not plan on breaking off the relationship when the season ends you certainly don't want to start one so close to Thanksgiving and Christmas. You're only dooming yourself to the inevitable akwardness of to invite to dinner and what to buy them. And you're the biggest sucker on earth. (yes, you're all tied for biggest)
So for you relationship types, enjoy your season opener, the rest of us will keep on pimpin.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Help -> About -> Notregis' Guide
Welcome New Readers!
This should apply to all of you as this is the first post.
I thought I should begin by laying the groundrules of what this is, is not, and how it came about. I will answer these in reverse order since this is also the way posts are listed (because none of the late comers will want to start at the beginning)
This is the result of a series of conversations I had with a coworker about our respective experiences with women and his insistance that I put my teachings in a book or something. Well since my life is too busy to have a publisher hounding me for progress, you all get to benefit from my wisdom for free. (at least until I see a six-figure advance in my near future)
I am not another one of those guys who wants to teach you how to pick up women in the club, at the coffee shop, at the waiting room of the OB/GYN (creepy.) There are too many of those out there and I hope someone will take my life the day I find it more satisfying to help some guy "renting" his mother's basement get a hot chick than to get the hot chick myself.
That being said my goal is to create a guide for those with ability. If you've picked up at least one girl, these posts will probably help you. If you consistantly take home the hottest girl, then you probably already know most of the things I'll be talking about. I will be sharing ideas that I have developed personally, as well as things that I have learned from others.
Which brings me to the disclaimer: I first started listening to Tom in 2nd grade, so if you have already herd something that I posted from The Professor you should consider it to have been posted as an act of respect in the hopes of spreading his teachings and you do not have to let me know that Tom said it first.
This should apply to all of you as this is the first post.
I thought I should begin by laying the groundrules of what this is, is not, and how it came about. I will answer these in reverse order since this is also the way posts are listed (because none of the late comers will want to start at the beginning)
This is the result of a series of conversations I had with a coworker about our respective experiences with women and his insistance that I put my teachings in a book or something. Well since my life is too busy to have a publisher hounding me for progress, you all get to benefit from my wisdom for free. (at least until I see a six-figure advance in my near future)
I am not another one of those guys who wants to teach you how to pick up women in the club, at the coffee shop, at the waiting room of the OB/GYN (creepy.) There are too many of those out there and I hope someone will take my life the day I find it more satisfying to help some guy "renting" his mother's basement get a hot chick than to get the hot chick myself.
That being said my goal is to create a guide for those with ability. If you've picked up at least one girl, these posts will probably help you. If you consistantly take home the hottest girl, then you probably already know most of the things I'll be talking about. I will be sharing ideas that I have developed personally, as well as things that I have learned from others.
Which brings me to the disclaimer: I first started listening to Tom in 2nd grade, so if you have already herd something that I posted from The Professor you should consider it to have been posted as an act of respect in the hopes of spreading his teachings and you do not have to let me know that Tom said it first.
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